Over the last few weeks, many of our clients have expressed their deepening concern over their bank’s attitude to helping them through difficult times.

During the recent good times, many of them were “courted” by their bankers to take out bigger loans; given credit cards with high limits and nothing seemed to much to ask.  Money was rolling in for the banks.  How different it is now.

It appears that now the “going” is getting tough, many small business owners face a much different attitude from their bank manager.

I used to work for the Barclays Group in the UK before moving to New Zealand, so understand that the banks are commercial enterprises that need to charge for their services.

But how many of you feel that the balance has shifted too much and when you need help from the banks, they simply turn their backs on you?

I recently experienced my bank manager ”kindly” opening a current account for me (without my permission); charged me account opening and monthly fees and then hounded me when I refused to pay them!  She was shocked when I asked her who I should send my bill to for the time I had wasted contacting them to sort their error out!

Whilst not trying to undermine the affect the current economy is having on many small businesses, I thought that a little light relief was in order.  The following video from the Monty Python team offers a few practical tips on raising finance in testing times!  Click here for 4 minutes of tips

Given all of the problems with the current global financial markets, you might like to reacquaint yourselves with the following terms:

CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance ; the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing

BROKER — What my broker has made me

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has just been disconnected

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks

CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet

YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use

Not sure if you were aware of this or not ???
 
Drivers License And Privacy Act – Check your driver’s licence information on-line. 

Now you can see anyone’s driver’s licence on the Internet, including your own!
 
It asks for U.S. Info, but unfortunately it works for Canadian, English, Australian and New  Zealand licences as well.
 
I just searched for mine….putting in Auckland as the city and there it was, picture and all.
 
This is really scary.  I removed mine. I suggest you all do the same.
 
Go to this website and check it out. Just enter your name and city (in city put Auckland), Or  leave ‘Select a State’ and see if yours is on file.
 
After your license comes  on the screen, click the box marked “Please Remove”. 
 
 

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100.

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.

The fifth would pay $1.

The sixth would pay $3.

The seventh would pay $7.

The eighth would pay $12.

The ninth would pay $18.

The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that’s what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the
arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. “Since you
are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost
of your daily beer by $20.”Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so
the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.
But what about the other six men – the paying customers? How could
they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his ‘fair
share?’

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted
that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man
would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s
bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the
amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings)

The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).

The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).

The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).

The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).

The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four
continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men
began to compare their savings.

“I only got a dollar out of the $20,”declared the sixth man. He
pointed to the tenth man,” but he got $10!”

“Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a dollar, too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more than I!”

“That’s true!!” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $10 back
when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!”

“Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison. “We didn’t get
anything at all. The system exploits the poor!”

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine
sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the
bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough
money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how
our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the
most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for
being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they
might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat
friendlier.

For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

An excerpt from:  David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D. Professor of Economics University of Georgia